Where I've been....

I know I've been a sporadic blogger. Things have been hectic around here and I've been dealing with some personal struggles.

A couple months ago, Doug accepted a new job, put in his 2 weeks notice and all looked good. He was going to work for a local company and be home almost every night! I was so, so, so excited about this. I've been praying for this. (I've been struggling with praying for things. It seems everything I pray for is a big old no from God. For a long while, I quit praying for things for me/our family. I just didn't have what it took to believe God would actually listen and/or answer my prayers). So I was ESTATIC when Doug accepted this job.

So he puts in his 2 week notice. The new job sounded wonderful. His former Penske boss (whom he had for 12 years and we LOVE her, she is a personal friend) would be his new boss. Four or five former Penske employees were also making the move. It would be familiar and local!

So 3 days after he gives his notice, Deanne (boss) calls and tells him she doesn't think this job will work out for him. They hadn't started the account before he gave his notice, so he didn't have ALL the particulars. He would have been hauling flat bed. Well, the loads have to be strapped down, understandably. The way they do this is by hooking a 4" strap to the trailer, tossing it over the load, go over to the other side and SCALE! the side of the load (about 12' high) and walk along the top of the very insecure load to strap it down. Doug cannot do that job physically with his knees! So....the local job is gone!

Not only is the job gone, but Doug had already put in his notice and they were GLAD! InSight was cutting back on drivers and hours. They didn't even work Doug the entire 2 weeks he had left.

So here he is without a job. I am totally devastated! I really wanted him to be home! And the prospect of NO job, no savings since we've blown through that with his former job. It's been a long 14 months. I felt like I had no hope. I didn't even want to turn to God. What was He doing? How much does He think I can take?

But God did show up in a big way! Within a week of quitting InSight, Doug had a job interview, God provided the money for him to drive to IL to interview, and he was hired! It will be a good job with great benefits, vacation and a nice salary! But he will not be home. He'll be home even less than he was with InSight. He will be working for Sherwin Williams.

So, it took a couple weeks to get a start date. Doug went without work for 3 weeks. While he wasn't working, we spent as much time with him as possible, which is party of why I've not been blogging a lot! The other part was, I was really dealing with my disappointment and anger. I had huge temper tantrums, I cried and cried, I just wallowed in it.

I am trying to snap out of it. I am now resigned to the fact that my husband will only be home on the weekends. I don't so much being alone with the boys and single-parenting it. I've done that for years, basically, since he worked 14 and 16 hour days. But I really miss my husband. He is my best friend and we spent so much time together. I miss bike rides and walks, sitting on the couch talking when the kids are sleeping, intimacy, cuddling, waking up and seeing him. Heck, I even miss picking up his socks every day LOL.

God has provided for us in such a big way! He's provided financially to fill in the gap of no pay. Somebody in Doug's family has helped us out tremendously with bills and even getting clothes for our family! We went shopping Saturday to get Doug new clothes. I had already bought new things for the boys and me. We had many trips to the mall last week! So anyway, we are JCPenney and I'm tossing clothes at Doug. I didn't even look at the price tag. Just knew he needed clothes and many of them! So a friend of ours happens to be there. He starts talking to us and for some reason or another, he is still talking to us while we check out. So I left him in line with Doug (holding some of the stuff) and went to find the boys who were walking around. Our friend bought all of Doug's clothes!!! What a huge blessing. We've never had anything like that happen to use before! Our God is a big, big God!

I still do not understand why my heart cry of having my husband home just seems to keep passing through my fingers. It would have been SO much easier to have him take this job if the hope of him being home wasn't there. But God knows what is happening. He has a plan. Some days I wish he'd let me in on more of it LOL. I just have to put my trust and hope in HIM!

Doug started his job last week. It was a whrilwind for me. The kids were exceptionally busy and I am not used to being the only taxi. So...that is where I've been. Adjusting to more changes than I'd like LOL. I am hopeful to be back blogging on a regular basis. Especially now that we are finished schooling for the summer!